A God of Love, Not Control
Post 1: Why I Needed a Different Vision of God
A God of Love, Not Control
Post 1: Why I Needed a Different Vision of God
If God truly is love, then God never controls, because real love doesn’t insist on its own way. God doesn’t cause or allow suffering but always works with us to heal, restore, and redeem. This is not a weaker God, it’s a more beautiful one.
In 2008, I was diagnosed with cancer.
It changed everything.
The chemo worked, but it damaged my lungs (pulmonary fibrosis).
Since then, I’ve lived with chronic pain and fatigue. Every breath reminds me.
At first, I did what I had been taught to do. I prayed. I trusted. I preached hope.
But as the years went on, and the pain didn’t go away and my lung function has been declining, I found myself asking questions I never thought I’d say out loud:
Where was God?
Why didn’t God heal me?
Why does a loving God allow so much suffering?
Is this what “God is in control” is supposed to mean?
I had spent years preaching that God is love.
But the version of God I had inherited, the one who “allows” cancer or “uses” tragedy for mysterious purposes, began to feel more like a cosmic puppet master than the God I saw in Jesus.
And I couldn’t do it anymore.
I Didn’t Need Answers. I Needed God.
I wasn’t looking for a new theology.
I was looking for God
In the silence,
In the pain,
In the slow unraveling of everything I thought I knew.
I kept reading. Kept praying. Kept aching.
Until I found a book called God Can’t by Thomas Jay Oord.
It didn’t give me easy answers.
But it gave me something deeper: a lens.
A way of seeing what I had already begun to know in my bones:
Jesus is always with me.
Jesus loves me.
Jesus is always working for my healing.
And Jesus never stops.
That book didn’t change my life. Jesus did.
But it helped me see Jesus more clearly.
A God Who Doesn’t Control
The central claim of God Can’t is simple and bold:
God’s love is uncontrolling.
Which means:
God can’t prevent every evil act.
God can’t override your free will.
God can’t force healing or make everything go according to plan.
Because love, real love, doesn’t control.
It’s hard to say that out loud at first. It may sound like heresy if you’ve grown up with the phrase “God is in control” stitched into your faith like a badge of honor.
But when I looked at Jesus, really looked, I didn’t see control.
I saw compassion. I saw presence. I saw love that never forces, but always invites.
“Love is patient, love is kind… it does not insist on its own way.” 1 Corinthians 13:4–5 NRSV
This verse upends our usual assumptions: real love doesn’t control outcomes, it relents. It lets go of its own right to shape things, so others can truly be free.
If love doesn’t insist on its own way, why do we imagine God does?
Starting the Journey
Theologians call it the problem of evil:
If God is all-powerful and all-loving, why is there still so much suffering?
It’s the most common reason people walk away from faith.
And I understand why.
My body still holds the question in every breath.
So I want to invite you on a journey with me.
Over the next few weeks, I’ll walk through five key ideas from God Can’t that have reshaped how I understand God, evil, prayer, healing, and love.
This won’t be a theological lecture.
It’ll be a journey of honesty, hope, and healing.
If you’ve ever found yourself asking the kinds of questions polite Christians don’t say out loud… this space is for you.
If you’ve ever found yourself disillusioned with church, doctrine, or the idea of a God who “lets” terrible things happen… you’re not alone.
You don’t need to fix your theology.
You don’t need to “just have more faith.”
You need space to grieve, to ask, to breathe, and
To find that God has been with you all along.
What to Expect
Here’s a preview of where we’re headed:
God Can’t Prevent Evil - If God is love, why doesn’t God stop suffering?
God Feels Our Pain - What does it mean that Jesus weeps with us?
God Works to Heal - Healing doesn’t always mean curing, but God never stops working for wholeness.
God Squeezes Good from Bad - This isn’t “everything happens for a reason.” It’s better.
God Needs Our Cooperation - Love requires participation. We are co-creators in the work of redemption.
And at the end, I’ll introduce a bigger framework that helped me put the pieces back together, a theology called Open and Relational Theology. But we’ll get there slowly. Gently.
Because this begins not with answers, but with honesty.
For Now…
If you’re carrying pain that never quite healed…
If you’ve been given answers that didn’t satisfy…
If you’re wondering whether a God of love is still good news…
This space is for you.
Let’s walk together.
Let’s ask better questions.
Let’s dare to imagine that maybe, just maybe,
God’s love is more beautiful than we’ve been told.
Reflect + Respond
Have you ever felt abandoned by the idea that “God is in control”?
What does it stir in you to imagine a God who doesn’t control, but always loves?
Feel free to comment, share, or simply sit with these questions this week.
Next time: “God Can’t Prevent Evil.”
You have found God to be loving, comforting, healing. A wonderful thing. And thank you for sharing your insights and experiences. Would you have found Him, discovered this part of His nature, if you hadn't had cancer and hadn't developed pulmonary fibrosis as a result of the treatment? Is it in any way possible that God used this, even possibly caused it, to draw you into a closer, more loving, Christ-centered relationship with Him?
Very excited to begin this study.